Nazara

Today was a difficult day.

I was in the middle of rounds, hidden by the screens surrounding a patient's bed, when a nurse entered the ward. He could not see me and asked the nurse nearby if the “nazara” was doing the round. He knows who I am and usually greets me by name to my face. I stuck my head around the screen and told him that indeed, the “white woman” was doing the round.

This afternoon work in the clinic was intense, and I did not get the chance to eat. While washing my hands I saw a number of soft-drinks sitting on the counter. I asked my supervisor who they were for and he stated they had been purchased for the those working in the clinic. However, he laughingly informed me that our nursing supervisor had purchased the drinks for everyone except the “nazaras” ie myself and another white doctor.

Later, while on the wards, the mother of one of our long-term patients approached me. She stated that her son wanted to talk to me. The young man is well known to our staff as he has been hospitalized for a number of months. He was pleased to see me when I walked in the room and asked where I had been. We talked about his family, his physical condition, and he asked when he might be discharged. I referred him to the doctor doing rounds that week, stating it was a team decision. His mother then revealed the real reason he wanted to see me. He was hoping I would give him a new duffel bag.

My feelings were hurt and I was angry with the treatement I had received.

When I expressed my frustration to my fellow missionaries, they understood, had experienced the same things and encouraged me not to take these actions personally.

What did I expect? Accolades? That the Africans here might fall all over themselves to welcome and comfort me, to be my friend? Where did I get the idea I deserve to work in an environment where I am unconditionally accepted and appreciated? Was Jesus extended this same courtesy?

No.

I understand that I will never truly belong here. However, God did not send me here for my own comfort. I have come in obedience and He desires that I show love, kindness and patience. I am required to let go of resentment and do my best, regardless of my bruised ego.

What a comfort to be intimately known and appreciated by the Lord.