And so it begins...

We have officially begun the countdown. I have less than one week before I leave France and that old familiar feeling has returned. The combination of excitement and sadness, like I am reaching out for someone while at the same time digging in my heels, being dragged forward against my will. No arguing with time...

I have been well loved during my time here, it will be difficult to leave my friends, they have come to mean so much to me. Yet I am excited to see my family again, to hug my mom, become reacquainted with my nephew, who at 2 years old, changes daily.

And so it begins...or begins again, the paradoxical missionary life, a life of goodbyes mixed with reunions, a combination of adventure, fear and uncertainty.

Thank you for your prayers.

Paradox Uganda

I have been visiting the paradoxuganda blog to gain information about the recent Ebola outbreak. I find the blog informative and eloquent, but the following post I found particularily amazing, and I wanted to share it with you.

God in a Box

"Reading Job this morning, and that’s what the book is about. Job’s friends try to put God in a box. If you do A, God will reward you with B. It is only in grief, tragedy, lament that real worship begins, not grasping God for His gifts but clinging to reality in the midst of confusion. God does not answer with formulas but with poetry, not with explanations but with presence. Today the churches will be praying and fasting for the end of the epidemic. We ask for that. But we don’t pretend that if there is enough outcry, then surely God will act the way we want. No, we pray to say that we have not given up, that we still seek God’s presence in the face of loss."

Dr. Jennifer Myhre

To access this blog, please use the link to the right of this page.

Fear

Just yesterday my host family and I were discussing the conditions in Chad, a country in West Africa. Apparently there has been much rebel backlash as different members of the same family are struggling to obtain power. In addition, the Sudanese crisis has spilled over their eastern border and rebel groups in the north are currently holding a Christian missionary hostage.

I will be flying into this country in one month.

I plan on remaining in Chad for less than a week as I prepare my documentation to cross the border into Cameroon, however, there is no guarantee that the country will be stable when I arrive, or remain stable while I am there.

I also learned about the shootings in Colorado today. The Youth With a Mission Training Center in Denver and the New Life Christian Fellowship church in Colorado Springs were attacked. Four young adults, two of them missionaries, were killed.

While reading in James this afternoon, I came across this passage; "Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money" Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that."" James 4:13-15

I admit that the conflict in Chad has been on my mind. I don't know if I am ready to assume that kind of risk and I am frightened. However, the news in Colorado reaffirmed that we are never truly in control, no matter where we live. We are not guaranteed tomorrow, our lives are fragile and temporary and our future is held by God alone. I am trying to wrap my heart around this truth, to understand that God is always good even if He is not always safe. This is a difficult paradox to accept.

Heros

This morning I got out of bed and limped my way into the bathroom. Prohibited from taking a shower until next week (horror) I took a birdbath, washed my hair in the sink and gave myself my first shot of blood thinner. I prepared my breakfast and was relieved to sit down and get off my throbbing leg. A short time later my host family drove me to the lab, where I completed my 4th blood draw in 3 weeks. The following 7 days will include bandage changes, stitch removal, daily shots and another trip to the lab.

I find that in all of this I have been thinking about my friends and family members who have survived life-threatening diseases. My discomfort is temporary and certainly tolerable, but how did they do it? They suffered through major abdominal surgery, weeks in the hospital, chemotherapy that stole their hair and left them weak and nauseated, steroid therapy that caused staggering weight gain and threatened their bones. How did they do it?

I am amazed by their strength. The minor inconveniences I am currently experiencing are nothing compared to what they have endured. I appreciate them now more then ever and in light of their trials, I am reminded that my health is a gift that I so often take for granted.

This is Wendy, one of my heros.

My adventures in the OR

Approximately two weeks ago I began researching varicose vein surgery here in France. I prayed, followed the open doors and ultimately left things up to God. Within this short period I saw the family doctor, the vascular specialist, the vascular surgeon, the cardiologist and the anesthesiologist. In addition I completed three rounds of lab exams and made multiple trips to the pharmacy. Upon learning that my insurance did not cover this procedure, the surgeon decided to perform his services for free, and the hospital fees where approximately 600$ less expensive than previously planned.

In a nationalized health care system where it can take months to get an appointment with a specialist, I was very encouraged by the efficiency of my medical team, and the generosity and kindness of my surgeon. I was convinced that I was in God's will.

So, yesterday a friend took me in for my operation. I have a lot of experience with hospitals, but I have never been the patient. I obediently dressed in my not-so-modest hospital gown and shuffled down the hall in my slippers waiting for my turn in the OR.

Finally, an orderly unceremoniously entered my room and told me that it was time. With a stomach full of butterflies I layed in the bed as he rolled it down the hallway. I stared at the ceiling and watched the scenery change, not really sure where I was headed or where I would finally end up.

I have worked in many different operating rooms, but again, I have never been the patient. The view is a lot different when you are the center of attention lying on the table. The staff was very kind, we got an IV started and I was given some medication. The next thing I remember is waking up in the post-op recovery room.

The rest of the story is fortunately uneventfull. My pain level was minimal, I layed in bed watching TV (all in French!) and was finally allowed to eat. I never thought I was a fan of apple sauce, but after a day of fasting it was one of the most delicious things I had ever tasted.

The next week will be filled with medications, bandage changes and praying that my stitches will be reabsorbed before we are forced to pull them out! I believe this experience has been good for me. As a health care provider I am now much more sensitive to the fears and needs of the preoperative patient, having experienced those fears and needs firsthand. I was also reminded that our bodies are temporary, fragile yet resilient and in need of occasional maintenence.

Finally, this whole process has given me a chance to see once again, the hand of God in my life. I know that faith is the belief in things not seen, but God in his kindness often gives us tangible examples of His love and overwhelming provision. I am so grateful to Him.

Thank you for your prayers and encouragement during this time.

Vocabulary lessons

Today I spent some time talking with a French national who is currently working as a midwife in Africa. She has been there for a number of years and I wanted to pick her brain. We began talking about some of the most common illnesses in her region and the conversation quickly turned technical. There is some cross-over between the medical vocab in English and French because most of the words have roots in either Greek or Latin, but I realized I have a lot of learning to do! For example, how do you say post-streptococcal glomerulonephritis in French?! No idea. I felt like someone put duct tape over my mouth, no longer allowing me to use the repitoire of words I had spent so many years learning! The good news is I still greatly enjoy this language and that the Bible tells me all things are possible through Jesus Christ who strenthens me....otherwise I might have run away already:-)

October 2007

Hello friends and family, I miss you all and hope you are well. Things are going great here in France, six months have flown by, summer has ended and I am thoroughly enjoying my favorite season, fall!

How do you fit 22 students into 6 bedrooms?

It is definitely a full house here in Brignais! Parents of five grown children, my hosts Marc and Léonie decided to open their home to…well…pretty much everyone! During my stay here I have met approximately 17 members of their family and have lived with students and missionaries from a total of 8 different countries. This makes for a unique linguistic environment, our current record is 4 languages during the same conversation! One weekend we hosted the local chapter of Campus Crusade for Christ. Approximately 22 students descended on the house for a very full and active weekend that I affectionately refer to as the invasion☺ There were humans tucked into every corner! All of this was quite an adjustment to a single girl who was not used to sharing her space! While I have been stretched during this time, I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I greatly enjoy the warm atmosphere of our home, community dinners, long conversations and new friendships. I see this as training and I will be sad to leave my newfound, enormous, multicultural family!

Break out the breath mints!

I have had a great time getting involved in our local church. The congregation has been so welcoming, inviting me to dinner and taking a genuine interest in my language learning. At first, the cultural greeting of a kiss on both cheeks took some getting used to, but now I am a pro☺ So long as I remember to move to the right first, most embarrassing situations can be avoided! Monthly our congregation shares a potluck lunch and recently I have become involved in nursery ministry. Last Sunday was interesting as I attempted to ask one child not to throw a toy at my head while extracting a crayon from the mouth of another! Sometimes the words in French simply do not come fast enough, this was one of those times☺ During this summer I participated in the church choir and we are currently practicing for our Christmas concert. As my language ability grows, so do my relationships with the members of this little church. I am so grateful to God for providing me with a Christian community during my time here.

Frenglish

My studies are going quite well, I am continually impressed by my school and feel I am greatly profiting from my time there. I am currently in level 9 of 19 and am functioning well in this language. I can communicate effectively, write essays and letters and read the Bible in French. My host family and francophone friends are impressed by my progress and I am very grateful for all of your prayers. This summer, after talking with my host family, my mission agency and my sponsors I prayerfully made the decision to remain here and continue my studies until December 2007. Originally I was scheduled to leave for Cameroon in September, this will give me an additional 3 months of language preparation.

Ouch

My time here in France has been amazing, but it has not always been easy. I have been stretched, prompted to ask questions about my faith and at times been dragged, kicking and screaming, out of my comfort zone. As difficult as this process has occasionally been, I know that it will be all the more intense in Cameroon. I recognize God’s planning and I am grateful for the things He is teaching me. My current prayer is that my trust and faith would increase and that I would recognize His infinite faithfulness and love in all circumstances, no matter how challenging. I would like to share with you an excerpt from an email I recently wrote; « It is almost humorous the battle that rages within. Part of me wants to be completely emptied of self, so God can get on with the process of reconstructing me, but the other part of me cringes at the thought of the pain associated with the demolition ! My prayer is that God would change me, even if it hurts. I have James 1:2 on my wall to remind me of the value of perseverance. I am still naive in many things, but I am sure to learn much more during the years to come. »

Merci

Thank you all for your support during this time. The emails, phone conversations and letters have been very encouraging. I appreciate you all and thank God for you.

God Bless, Sarah

August 2007

Hello family and friends! It is hard to believe I have already been in France for 3 months! Time has moved very quickly, and before you know it, I will be moving to Cameroon. This is not to say I don't greatly treasure my time in France. The past three months have been some of the most rewarding and revealing of my life.

Alliance Francaise

During the week I leave the house by 7:15am and arrive at school by 8:30. Class begins at 9:00am and continutes until noon. Alliance Francaise, my language school has a very good program and I have been impressed by the experience and creativity of my professors. My classes are truly multinational, so far I have meet other students from a total of 15 different countries! At certain times, French is the only language we have in common. Through this language, we are able to communicate, and this is very exciting. Each month starts a new level at school. March and April I completed levels 1 and 2. My French progressed quickly, so after speaking with my professor, she allowed me to skip level 3. This month, I am currenly studying level 4 and things are going well.

Egg vs Eyeball

For the past month, I have been making an effort to speak only French, both at home and at class. This of course has been a combination of difficult, rewarding and humorous. Some of my best mistakes have been at mealtime, when I try to thank my hostess and say that I am “full”. So far I have succeeded in pronouncing myself dead and calling myself a pregnant animal!☺ I have called an egg an eyeball and a blanket a jar of jam. Needless to say I am grateful for my family's sense of humor! I have taken some daring steps during my time here. In May, I had the opportunity to introduce myself publicly at a missionary conference, in French of course. I wrote everything down beforehand and spoke for all of two minutes, but I was proud of my accomplishement! In addition, I have joined the choir at church. We sing all of the hymns in French, so I am in the process of learning pronunciation and alto. We will be performing next month in Lyon, the nearby city, during “la fete de la musique” or the nationwide festival of music. In addition, I have volunteered to help in nursery. The kids are very merciful and allow me to make many mistakes!

She sings like a casserole

During my time here I have been asked to explain the names “hot dogs” and “pig tails” (the hair style) I was at a loss, these are simply things we say, without realizing they are a little strange to those hearing them for the first time. French is no exception, and there are many sayings that are humurous to the learner. For example, they have a saying, “Elle chant comme une casserole” or, she sings like a casserole. For those of you who are wondering, this is not a compliment.☺ In addition, if someone speaks French poorly, the following saying applies; “Elle parle francais comme une vache espagnole” or, she speaks French like a Spanish cow. Fortunately, this phrase has not been used to describe my attempts! A term of endearment which is used quite commonly is “ma puce” which literally means, my flea! These and many more have brought humor to my language learning.

Truth

It is my joy to share with you my successes in the French language. Many things are going well, and for that I am very grateful. However, I would be remiss if I didn't ask for your continued prayers. The truth is, some days are great and some are very difficult. At times, learning the French language is overwhelming and adapting to another culture is physically and emotionally challenging. I have spent quite a bit of time with God, asking Him how I am going to get through the the next 2 years. His answer is clear, I can't do this on my own. This requires full trust and reliance on God and not on self. I understand this is not a new revelation, but it takes on new meaning when it is the only option.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Phil 4:6-7

Prayer Requests

Please continue to pray that my family would have God's comfort and peace during my time away from home, that God would comfort me during the difficult times, and that I would display the fruits of the Spirit in every circumstance. Please pray for my fast and efficient acquisition of French and that God would use this time to prepare me for the work in Cameroon.

Merci!

Saying a simple “thank you” never seems to be enough. It is difficult to express what all of you mean to me. God has used your generosity and love to sustain me during my time here, and I thank you.

God bless, Sarah